The Sound of the Unheard

The Sound of the Unheard by May Chook

Written by: May Chook

Performed by: You the listener

                                                   

Lyrics:

What did you hear?

           The sound of your heartbeat?

                         Or the sound of your soul?

           The sound of cars passing by,

                         Or the sound of people having jobs that they don’t like?

           The sound of your dryer,

                         Or the sound of clothing factory workers’ life?

           The sound of your phone ringing,

                         Or the sound of people losing getting-together time?

           The sound of the TV,

                         Or the sound of the unheard?

What did you not hear?

           Sound?

                         Or silence?

Small music?

Rolf Julius

Interviews on The Wire magazine. Interview 2005; Interview 2009

Music for the Eyes (1982/2004) [Source]

Music for a Frozen Lake (1982)

Permanent Collection in Mattress Factory, Pittsburgh, PA.

MOVING (2007) exhibition pictures in Cortex Athletico, Bordeaux, France

FIAC 2010 exhibition pictures in Cortex Athletico, Bordeaux, France

A turning point?

Fall semester is done half of it, time flies faster than I can catch it. But, I'm totally satisfied with my attitude and work progress.

It's the final year of my degree, but I feel that my learning process JUST started. 

I went to improv soiree at York just now, it's one of the musicians-must-go monthly events in Toronto, I swear. Through soirees I attended starting last year, I met so many awesome musicians and heard a lot of good musical ideas. I found my good good music friends there; sometimes we play together, everything is just so beautiful and wonderful. Of course, I need to mention the awesome person holding this monthly event - Professor Casey Sokol who is teaching improvisation at York. His classes totally changed my thoughts and attitude towards music and life, in an extremely good way.

I do believe my 4th year in university is a turning point in my life. This is a time when I have mastered certain level of knowledge and started to question things critically. Maybe some people do it earlier, this is just my pace of my life. Goodness knows when I first came to Canada and York, I didn't know what jazz is. Not at all.

In 2008 September, I was very clueless in this new country and new style of life. I have a weird accent although I can write English pretty well. I spent so much time studying and practicing and sometimes crying in practice rooms, because I wasn't confident with my musical skills at all. But no matter what happens, people I met, especially Canadians or musicians, are always nice to me. 

Life is so beautiful when you look back and feel so good with those moments. Some moments can be heartbreaking, but they are indeed memorable.

Stories are beautiful too, I mean other people's life stories. Although I always question critically about cultures and social norms, I do believe that happiness comes from people around you. Commercials like to use "happiness" to sell their products, and most people find connection through their favorite brands; but in the end, if you love someone, you can lose everything in the world but not that person. 

I lack of "stories" in Canada. My stories back in Malaysia are mostly heart-wrenching, and only recently I started to be able to face the past with a positive attitude. I don't have family in Canada, I spend time with music almost 24/7, and I start to question myself...I need to have a life if I want to make good music. 

That's how I thought of the subtitle of this blog - music, art, and life should come together. But in fact, I would love to add one more - words. I used to do Chinese writing semi-professionally from 2004 to 2007. I think it's a good time for me to do it and speak my own accent of Mandarin and English proudly again. This is like a turning point in my life, I figured so many positive changes are going to happen. 

Very personally, I also realized some changes. I like how I spent my last summer, and I like how my Fall term goes. I question more, but I'm going to love more too.

Very personal

Time: 5.30pm
Weather: rainy day, temperature around 20C.
Location: York U Second Cup
Now playing: songs that I feel connected to
Mood: was bad. Now better, going to be good

This is gonna be very personal, I swear.

Finished my improvisation private lesson, I have so much on my mind now. The feelings are swallowing me, and I'm stuck.

It has been 2 weeks since school started. I have been outrageously energetic, hardworking, positive, outgoing, critical, confident, and any good attitude you can possibly associate with. IT IS GOOD.  I acknowledge the importance of both personal and "professional" expression. But I think I have been "working" so much that I ignored my little heart can be quite breakable sometimes.

I want love, I want care. Not from anyone, but from myself.

I have been giving out love and care so much lately and I ignored the existence of my little self.

This doesn't mean I'm weak in reality. I just ignored the sensitive (YES that's the word) self. I talked to myself a lot but most of them are about how to relate myself to the outside world...about my responsibility and things that I want to do.

What about things that I want to feel, just for the sake of myself?

For the sake of myself.
For the sake of myself.
For the sake of myself.
For the sake of myself.

Myself
Myself
Myself

Who the heaven am I? And why does that even matter?

It doesn't matter to anyone other than myself. I feel my existence, that's what matters.

Whatever I do when I'm alone, or even in the middle of the crowd, if I do it to make myself feel good, do it.

Sometimes, you need to take a break from "social" responsbility. Despite that, my attitude of "working makes me feel good" still works very much.

Just this moment, please, let me be alone, to think and feel whatever I want. After a while...tonight, tomorrow, or just the next hour, I will read this post again and be critical again.

Break.
Break.
Break.

When I was feeling quite bad just now,  I found a quiet spot in music building and played this song on my iPod, in a relatively loud volume to block all the sound around me...focused on the sound of this song...



Ivana Wong's "I'm really hurt". It is a nice song indeed, but not a song that's very significant in my life, and my heart is not hurt. I just wanted a soft female voice singing a song that doesn't need a lot of techniques, yet sensitive emotions.

Music is what feelings sound like. How do one sound when he/she is hurt? This song is one of the ways.

But you can scream, you can cry, you can moan. Those are sounds of hurt too. Music is just one of those many many many ways.

Because I question the importance of iPod, because I question the importance of "stylistic" music, I started to listen to a lot of weird stuff - avant garde, experimental, alternative, free jazz, soundscape composition - all of them are still considered music, but they break "rules" led by conventional and mainstream music.

Mainstream is not only pop. In North America, it's also Western classical music composed by masters (Mozart, Beethoven etc.), jazz standards (those by Ella Fitzgerald, Frank Sinatra, Carmen McRae etc.) and smooth jazz/easy listening (Norah Jones, Michael Buble etc.)

But there are times when I just want to listen to certain singers or songs, especially those I feel connected to. Most of those music, I discovered them without the "assistance" of formal courses and teachers.

I like that process of loving a musician just because one day you heard about him on radio, you dig the songs, you googled him, found more youtube videos and songs and albums, saw him on newspaper, heard about him from your friends, you wanted the radio play the songs again, you streamed his songs every day, then you decided to own a hardcopy of the album, you bought it, held it with hands, hugged it, put it next to your bed, went to concerts and autograph sessions, be happy.

In short, be a small [yet significant] fan.

After writing all these, I found myself even more connected to the outside world and communities, although I was being very personal (and probably a lot of grammatical errors too).

Working makes me feel good. But there are many ways to feel good, don't limit yourself to just one source to happiness. People tend to get bored by one same approach, so, switch around and have fun!!!

PS: After playing Ivana's song, I switched my playlist to this...



told you, this post is very personal.

I learn, I think, I create

I learn from great teachers;

I learn from my colleagues;

I learn from people who are better than me;

I learn by reading;

I learn by listening;

I learn by observing life;

I learn by making mistakes.

I think when I'm learning;

I think what I learned;

I think why I need to think;

I think why I need to learn;

I think what I didn't learn;

I think, therefore I am.*

I create what I thought about what I learned;

I create to let myself hear my own voice;

I create for myself;

I create for myself who is attached to many people;

I create for no one;

I create for people who love me;

I create to make people love me;

I create to make me love me.

I create by thinking about love and hate;

I create by thinking about ignorance;

I create by unlearning what I learned;

I create by questioning what I used to persist;

I create to challenge myself.

.......................................

I was actually writing a short one to post on my sidebar, as a reminder and motivator to myself since I embrace the cycle of learning + thinking + creating so much now. Then the writing went on and on, G-Dragon** was singing his hiphop softly through my speakers, my mind was getting sleepy yet wanted to continue mapping the cycle. I believe what I wrote above might seem lacking tomorrow when I wake up, but if I have the drive to write, why limit myself?

Certain level of self limiting is definitely good for the creating process, but writing is more like a thinking and re-learning process, although all of them actually interweave together into a piece of [un]beautiful cloth. When the mind map is presented through a kind of medium, in this case my blog, it becomes immortal and exists physically in this world. Whoever drops by and sees what I drew...

They might not pay attention at all...

They might pay too much attention thus they hate me...

Or they might fall in love with me.

When I don't expect love and compliments only, I feel more realistic and existed in this world. Utopia can hardly be achieved, that's why beautiful things are beautiful.

*that line is from philosopher Rene Descartes, you should know it. If you didn't, now you know.

**korean hiphop playing softly as background music, I started to feel the merge between my pop and unpop side. What a nice realization.

Every jazz lover can be jazz artist

Saturday evening, I watched this documentary about first generation of Korean jazz musicians. I bought the DVD from YesAsia a while ago (actually pre-ordered it, yes I was THAT desperate).

"Bravo! Jazz Life", a documentary film that documents the process of making a concert and album featuring these jazz maestros. This film was released in Dec 2010 and the concert was held in Jan 2011. I didn't know about these musicians at all, but seeing them playing "Round Midnight" and "All of Me", talking about John Coltrane and Duke Ellington, I feel a sense of connection with these awesome people. We speak different languages, but we are connected through music. This sounds a bit cliche, but it's so so true. I still can't remember most of their names; but trust me, I will learn their names and for sure check them out, and check out jazz scene in South Korea when I visit there.

Trailer with english subtitles

Their stories are so touching and inspiring. Most musicians' stories are inspiring, I can never deny this. In the 50s and 60s, South Korea wasn't as wealthy as today's. There was no jazz school nor jazz clubs. How did these jazz musicians find out about jazz and how did they learn jazz? How did they balance their time working and playing jazz? How about their friends and family? Why jazz? I learned so much in this film. And I feel so thankful and lucky that I have almost everything in my life.

I like one of the lines said by the narrator, "[paraphrased] Jazz musicians, jazz columnists, volunteers, fans, everyone can be jazz artist; all of them shape one jazz culture and community."

Music brings people together. Jazz is rooted from the US; but around the globe, once you hear that swinging hi hat and laid back piano comping, you feel connected with the musicians and the people around you. Jazz has so much personality and attitude embedded in the music and atmosphere, it's very humane, and it's about life.

That moment..

That moment you wrote so much by hand in your notebooks, and so many murmur posts saved in your computer, you don't know how to clear the mess.

I didn't stop writing, never stop thinking. I hope I will never stop posting.

Let's see what will happen.

A musical Mothers' Day...with good food

Current playlist: Surrounding sound of a quiet late night
Current mood: blessed, contented, not extremely hyper, feeling good to be alive

What happened on Mothers' Day:-
- Recorded a video for my mom
- Had a chocolate fondue + curry party with my buddies
- Watched "Malaysian Voices" contemporary concert
- Feeling good to have such a great mom and I started to realize a lot of good things

I had the best Mothers' Day celebration ever.

On Saturday I recorded this video dedicating to my dearest mommy. I speak in Cantonese and the songs are mandarin songs of my mom's favorite Taiwanese singer Richie Ren. Just a note: I'm not a good piano/keyboard player.

Then, I celebrated this special day with good friends and music, to me it's the best way, for now, to celebrate my mom's awesomeness because she has been teaching me a lot in socializing and supporting my musical aspiration.

Fondue party with my best friends in Toronto. GOOD FOOD!!

I watched this concert at The Music Gallery close to Osgoode station.

Introduction before the concert started. From left: CHOW Jun Yi, CHONG Kee Yong, Robert Aitken

The Music Gallery is apparently a church, but it is the home for creative music in Toronto too.

Basically the concert was featuring Malaysian composers of contemporary music. Honestly I didn't hear much about this genre in Malaysia before I came to Toronto in 2008, and I was quite surprised that there was a concert in Toronto featuring these works. I almost jumped when I saw the listing in WholeNote magazine.

Thank goodness there was a Contemporary Music Fest in Malaysia in 2009 and Kee Yong has been working hard to push the festival bi-annually/annually. Good music, regardless the genre, should be encouraged and shared everywhere.

I have a thing with contemporary music. I wanted to study that in York but eventually I affectionately fall in love with jazz. Thanks to the flexibility and interdisciplinary system in York, I took a contemporary piano and improvisation class with Professor Casey Sokol and tutor Steve Koven; the course is changing my life. It is in present continuos tense because the course will NEVER end even if I stop taking it formally. It's about the spirit and I always keep in touch with great teachers.

I also have a thing with dissonance. I like Satie, embrace Webern, appreciate Schoenberg, and admire Cage. Dissonant contemporary music might not sound pleasant but to me there are many different types of dissonance, which I can even sub-categorize them into pleasant dissonance and unpleasant dissonance, and also relatively-pleasant dissonance. The "judgment" of consonance is very subjective, as we know 3rds and 6ths were even considered dissonant in medieval time. To me, minor 2nd can sound very pleasant too; it depends on the context and instrumentation, and not forgetting - the listener's current mood.

Detailed thoughts about the concert will be up in the next post, hopefully. I found this post will be terribly lengthy if I put everything together.

By the way, tomorrow is Girls Night Out jam session in Chalkers Pub, hosted by Lisa Particelli. I'm loving her more and more. I'm coming again! Let's have some live jazz and cocktails ;DD

Write write write

Just a quick update when I'm having my dinner break from writing evaluation of my piano improvisation project. Right, it's dinner break but I'm in a mood to update blog and write. I hope I would have this energy when I do songwriting and composition, because I tend to get "sick" of my own composition during the process I'm making the music. Most of the time I can't finish my works because my perfectionism principle stops me from creating.

I really learn so much through this improvisation project. I'll update more about it after I finish it tomorrow.

Invisible seclusion

Now playing: Chet Baker playlist

I have been wanting to write my first "official" post on this "work" blog, but apparently my mind and heart got stressed out when it comes to "work".

I went to several concerts and gigs in last 2 weeks. I hate the word "review" because it is such a boring word, though it does sound more professional.

So, this post ain't a review nor a "work" post.

My principle is "my work is my entertainment". I have entertainment ALL THE TIME and I freaking love this. This should be a privilege musicians and artists have. We definitely love the path we have chosen, don't we?

Chet Baker's voice for this kind of late night is so soothing and suits the mood so much. Though I have been having company these few days, I still feel a tinge of loneliness when it comes to music and thoughts. I think it is something good and bad, as I always feel this kind of loneliness regardless where I am and surrounded by zillions of people.

I don't mean to seclude myself, but I just feel better when I have an invisible isolated space to think about myself and other things/people. I should be glad that I can work anywhere anytime no matter how noisy and crowded it is. It is a kind of seclusion in the middle of the crowd. My skills in focus got so much better.

I have so much to talk about, but I'm leaving them for next time. Good night.

Another beginning

Classes have officially ended but this blog is going to stay alive for my music + art + writing exploration. Topics that I learnt in FACS2930 The Electronic Landscape still need much experiments and exploration, because creativity always exists in a versatile motion. I learnt a lot in this class but I also realized how bad I am in visual arts.

I think I began to understand what fits me better and how various medium of creativity allow me to think more about music and sound. I love to work with ideas, especially when I don't feel like doing a regular music piece. Life needs balances indeed. Hopefully I'll update this blog with my thoughts, confusion, realization, discoveries, and much more. Beware, I like to do random murmur too. But it's fascinating to see (and feel) how randomness works, it's just so natural and creative at the same time. I'm proud to be a life-long learner in music and art.

Presentation

I tried Zoho Show for the first time, it's better than Google docs I shall say. And it looks cuter.

Audio Walk - "The Unheard"

Download it here

Group mate: Sara S.Manesh

Basically the audio walk takes place in Accolade East building, starting its journey at the Northeast entrance of the building. Then it goes into the lobby then the basement following to Room 001. Then the walk continues to the long and quiet hallway next to Room 001. The destination is the end of the hallway, where a murder happened in 2007.

The story is purely fiction, but the location is real. We chose a new building because nobody would think a new building could be "haunted" too. The whole audio walk is in an atmosphere of Real vs. Unreal and Past vs. Present. Sue's haunted story was back in 2007 but the listener is following BOTH the narrator (the present) AND Sue (the past). The filtered voice of the narrator is to depict the unreality of reality. As you can hear the opening whisper is Sue's voice (the past), the sound effect coming after and the radio-signal tuning noise create an non-smooth motion of time change leading to the narrator's voice (the present). Simply speaking, it's to create the uncertainties between the past and the present.

The narration and some sample recording were done in my home studio. Some noise and effects were made by synthesizers. I didn't include the real soundscape recording of the location because in my opinion, it's pointless to put in something already existed when the listener is already standing at the location. If he/she is using regular earplugs/headphones, regular soundscape noise will still be able to bleed in; if he/she is using good quality headphones which can block all the sound from outside, I would suggest that no soundscape recording should be included because it should be "blocked" as well, the isolated state of sound can be very fascinating.

The background music is a snippet from Krzysztof Penderecki's "Threnody to the Victims of Hiroshima", which is an avant-garde piece. Other sounds are original or from music software sound library.

It seems Sue was killed too, but is the listener killed as well? The unheard story can never be heard unless you follow "me".

Embodying Sound

For the embodiment project, I would like to curate an exhibition which the main idea is to embody sound. So far, I name the project as SoundARCH, then the exhibition would title "Shut Your iPod Off".

As a musician interested in sound art, I would like to address the importance of soundscapes and natural sounds in this project. The curation will extensively use audio/sound technology and then I would like to draw this notion of technology to the audience's attention. Since today we have the technology (iPod/MP3 player/MP3 cellphone) to enjoy music anytime and anywhere, people become more and more ignorant with what happens around them. Hearing/listening is a different sensation compared to seeing, so I hope to raise awareness of the beauty of natural sound. The exhibition will involve interactive space between visitors and "sound".

Quick

Update this blog quickly a few hours before first class in winter term. Since when a home for creativity is full of dust when it is school break? Since when creativity becomes limited for only academy and profitable work?

Artists sell creativity, because we got nothing else to sell.